


bad at love

by thepleasureofhating



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 09:57:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16972452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepleasureofhating/pseuds/thepleasureofhating
Summary: Cisco Ramon has never been good at love.





	bad at love

**Author's Note:**

> i’m fireflylesbian on tumblr if you wanna say hi!

Cisco Ramon has never been good at love.

 

He’s known this since he was a child. At the time he blamed his on his chubby cheeks, boring interests, and cooler older brother. While he was fascinated with machines and the latest space documentary, Dante was wooing all the girls that could ever come in a 50ft radius of Cisco. Cisco didn’t mind. He had an infinite world of books to explore, he could do without girls for now.

 

In college, Cisco dated, but never loved. Boys and girls found him pretty enough to sleep with, but not to stay with. Again, Cisco didn’t mind. He had work to do and tests to study for. Dating and love could wait. 

 

The first time he fell in love, neither of them would admit it. Cisco and Hartley were constantly at odds with each other, battling their own internalized homophobia, jealousy, and need for Dr. Wells’ attention. They knew there was something between them, but the both of them were too wrapped up in being the best to admit anything to each other. Cisco felt guilty relief the day Hartley was fired, only to have that guilt flare back up when he saw him standing outside Rathaway Industries. Before Cisco could even think about falling in love again, Hartley was gone. Lost to a dinner with his parents and an uncertain ending. 

 

The second time Cisco fell in love, he regretted everything. He was so obsessed with Dr. Wells’ attention that he would do anything to get it, even die. Any amount of praise from Wells was a blessing, even when it came down to the moments before Eobard Thawne tore his heart into pieces. Sometimes Cisco wakes up at night, heart aching from memory as well as loss.

 

The next time Cisco fell in love, he hated it. He fell in love with a man who had the same face as someone who literally broke his heart. Harry showed up when Cisco needed him the least, and left when Cisco wanted him the most. Harry left Cisco twice. First with the promise of return, even offering Cisco a temporary replacement. Second with the vagueness of lost memories, spilling his heart to Cisco before disappearing again. Cisco hated Harry. He hated that he loved him. He hates that he still does, even when Harry doesn’t remember most of why he used to love Cisco back.

 

The few other times Cisco was in love felt short and painful. With Kendra, she became his literal Icarus, sporting wings and leaving him the second he got close enough to feel her sun-like warmth. With Cynthia he felt heartbreak on a molecular level, having lost someone that vibrated at exact same speed. With HR, he was left with a lie.

 

Cisco loved HR. He loved him from the day he met him. Sure, HR was annoying, and at first he was just meant to replace Harry. But Cisco felt drawn to the happiness and light that HR produced, filling up the dark places in Cisco’s mind with something warm and honey colored. Cisco thought he could live with this forever. But he wasn’t allowed. HR put on a mask to save Iris, forcing Cisco to see him for the last time through a lie. Cisco couldn’t even rejoice when Iris fell in to Barry’s arms unharmed. He felt betrayed. Broken. Alone. 

 

Now, everyone has someone. Barry and Iris are in a constant honeymoon state, only amplified by Nora’s presence. Caitlin and her better half, Killer Frost, are locked in constant conversation after months of being apart. Ralph and Sherloque lovingly bicker at each other while bonding over detective work. Joe and Cecile take time to relax together, celebrating new life and new love.

 

Cisco has nothing but the holes in his hands and the reminder that he’s dead to the world. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry but all of cisco's relationships are sad and he's sad and he just deserves to be happy.


End file.
